Going "AWOL" On God

I was dealing with challenging issues with church people some time ago that I was planning on quitting church attendance for a while and continue serving and seeking for God on my own. My attitude was that I could maintain a vibrant relationship with Jesus anyway without the hassle of attending the assembly of believers. Isn't that prideful? Although I decided that it would have been only for a short while until I find my place, I knew that it was not the right thing to do because God commands us to not forget to meet with other believers. But, God intervened and change my whole prospect on the issue after hearing a pastor's message about the miracle of the five loaves of bread and two fish (Matthew 14:13-21). Are you dealing with issues that make you think about quitting and going “AWOL” on God and His church? Let me share with you what God did for me, and how He changed my mindset about what was going on around, and thus enabling me not to become resentful or bitter.

My simplistic definition of church is a group of people loving God and each other, who are willing to meet together to study His Word and learn His ways in order to obey and serve Him. These people in turn, as they go to their respective market place, will be able to tell others about Father's redeeming love, and help them deal with the various situations that will be presented to them by life. They should be able to teach others about the way of the Father and set captives free by demonstrating His power in healing the sick, casting out devils and destroying spiritual darkness around them. This to me is the walking and the making of a disciple.

Having been part of a church with small attendance, it has never mattered to me how many people were meeting together. I like closed family relationships, and attending a small church provides that to me. As I hear people telling about many programs in their big churches, and how they feel their churches were doing important things for God, my comments are always that it was great if they were involved and not benchwarmers. I've also visited big churches and I've never felt the love, nor encounter the closeness and friendships found in a small group of believers. What I have found was multiple smaller cliques in a bigger pot, instead of a small clique in a small pot. I also do not feel that big projects make a church superior in importance to God or more spiritual in any way, because I know that it is Father working in all and through all to do and to will according to His good pleasure. This is His church anyways.

Now how did God change my mind to see the situation differently? While I was going through this disappointing moment in life of another church split, I heard a message presented so attractively on how the Lord used the five loaves of bread and two fish to the Father's glory. I knew that Father was speaking directly to me at that moment. I knew where I would end up when the split was finalized, and started analyzing what would happen among us. I was thinking that the people I would be part of would be too weak, too poor, and too small in number to make it without the intervention of God. But I know that we were also God's people, and I know that like in the case of Job, Father was in control of the situation.

As I was going through my issues, the Holy Spirit of Jesus reminded me of the story of Gideon where 32,000 men of arms were reduced to 10,000, then to only 300 (Judges 7). He reminded me of the story of story of the seven loaves and a few small fish (Matthew 15:32-38). As I was feeling the pain and heard the broken heart stories of the people, I knew that Father was starting something new and was still doing a great work among us. It may not be the type of achievement that our worldly society would consider a success, but Father was attracting us to Him in such a way that our lives would never be the same again.

This event was a catalyst for personal growth. The church was finding the purpose for its existence. Everyone was challenged. Hearts were being changed. Eyes were now more focused on Jesus--which is where they should have been in the first place. Broken people were growing in the knowledge of the Word of God and of Father's way. His deep love was healing souls, and His holy presence provided the peace and the joy to move on.

As Jesus was taking care of His people, I found out that we truly needed Jesus and each other to grow up in order to be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. I found out that we were really becoming like one family. I found out that perseverance is only build in adversity. I found out that confidence in the love and promises of God for His people will bind us all together.

That situation reinforces in me the fact that we all needed to be still in order to be empowered by the Father's Holy presence. Since distress often reveals people character, and character ominates from the soul, people were challenged in their soul. I found out that situations causing distress in the lives of the children of God will develop integrity, a sense of purpose and strong character as they get closer to Jesus. This crisis establishes to me the fact that the Christian life is a life of sacrifice, integrity, commitment, dependence and trust.

Although I have been through many separations or downsizing of a church before, this throbbing pain I felt is always new. I know that I can't blame devastated lives on the Father. I am aware that He is full of love, compassion and mercy, and doesn't take pleasure in breaking apart. Also, knowing that Father always responds to the sound of His workers' cries kept me in peace. Though the workers have adversity for food and affliction for drink, Father is still with them to teach them. I am thankful that He is my teacher. Thanks Holy Spirit!

With my spiritual eyes I saw dead bones that are being revived again under the refining and consuming fire of the Father's touch. I saw that everyone was being salted with fire. I saw open doors and the sifting of all dead bones into flames of fire again. I saw hope and a new beginning. I saw renewed mindsets, renewed spiritual growth and strengthening of characters. I saw desperation and increase love for Jesus. I saw people learning to surrender to Father. I saw everyone using the Father's given talent for unity, renewed purposes and glorification of the Master. I saw that most were finally getting the right perspective on things and church purposes. We were wholeheartedly giving it all to Father to see what He will do as we all tackle this unending new project.

I saw a bruised reed through the rummage of this drama. I don't understand what is really going on, but I know Father's promise that, “He will not crush those who are weak, or quench the smallest hope, until he brings full justice with his final victory (Matthew 12:20; Isaiah 42:3).” As I chose to keep my eyes on Jesus and follow my own journey in this cycle of life that goes on and on, I was able to allow Father's love, joy and peace to overflow my soul, and let myself be enraptured in His love.

Don't trials and persecutions have a tendency to lead the children of the Father closer to Him and His purposes for their lives? Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Doesn't grace much more abound when we are in the low places of life, and the deep valleys of sorrows, lack and suffering? Doesn't seeing only in part allow us to acknowledge the brevity of life, and see the futility of being vain while living a selfish life?

Through this awkward period in my church life, these words of Father that I will never leave nor forsake you became more evident and real in my life and in my church. The realization that we are all in the Father's hand gave hope and strength to endure all. Jesus says that I will build my church and the gate of hell will not prevail against it. Whether we are a big or small group of people assembling together, Father is in the midst of us when we completely and truthfully surrender to Him, ignore man's tradition, and make sure that all we do or intend to do is to bring honor and glory to Him. What does the future hold for us? Only Father knows our fate! The only thing I know is that with Father at our side, all is well! All is well with our souls!

The realization that I almost went “AWOL” on God hits me. For those who do not know it, “AWOL” is a military term that means “absent without leave”. Why do I say that I almost quit on God? I found out that when I quit on loving and meeting with the assembly of believers where He placed me, I am quitting on God and what He is doing in my life and with this special group of people. Father reinforced in me the thoughts that He loves His church. Jesus reaffirmed to me that He died on the cross for the people who are part of these various branches attached to the vine who are the make-up of His global church. And, He is able to do among His people exceedingly, abundantly above all that they can ask or think for the Father's glory.

Since Jesus is the One building His church, let us all continue to be faithful, loyal, and grow together so that His prayer in John 17 be manifested truly in His church made of people of all tribes, tongues, nations, languages and culture. Although I know that one day I would have to give account on myself about how I use the talents He has entrusted me with, I am forever grateful and thankful to Jesus that He is still building His church and had chosen to make me part of it.

Jesus prayer for His disciples and all believers is as encompassing and relevant to us today as it was two thousands years ago. Since we are also sent as sheep among wolves, let's keep in mind that the great High Priest had prayed and is still praying for us. His gracious prayer to our Father before going through Calvary is still in the throne of grace waiting for total fulfillment. It goes, “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them as you have loved me (John 17:20-23).”

Blessed are those who hear the Word of God and obey it! (Luke 11:28)

Marie Monaus 8 March '08